Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
