People in love make me want to vomit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
