I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
