the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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