i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
