It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
