Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
