I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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