: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
