i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
