we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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