Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
