just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
