Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
