im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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