the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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