I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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