Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
