playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
