Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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