Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
