I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
