i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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