I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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