just tell him i said nine months
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
