just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
