She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm like, not good at living.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
