i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
