There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize