he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
