I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
