So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
