After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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