And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
