Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My vagina just recognized that song.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
