Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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