If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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