I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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