you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize