if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
