why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
