That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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