i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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