Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
