dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
