A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
