haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
