It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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