there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize