I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
