she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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