Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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