someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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