The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize