I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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