Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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