This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
