My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
