I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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