i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize