either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
