I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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