eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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