I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
