the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize