You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We are two peas in an std pod
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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