cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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