If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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