Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
