mondays should just be called national damage control day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
